How is this part from my story?

I think It is good.. It made me curious about the rest of the story, but there are a lot of extra words and statements. For example in " and made a small slit in the air near his neck, symbolizing death" I do not think you need the symbolizing death part, people can figure that out for themselves. Watch out about how many descriptive words you use, because it can become overwhelming with useless detail. also work on showing instead of telling. Besides from that I think your overall writing is good :)